I'm a 'long nails person' and I'm proud

My earliest beauty memory is of a matching set of Poochie or Strawberry Shortcake branded lipstick and nail polish I owned in 1986. They were in little bullet-shaped tubes, white plastic covered in pink love hearts; the lipstick was fruit scented, and the nail polish was a transparent fluorescent pink.
                                                 

To four-year-old me, that nail polish (which was effectively a clear topcoat, it was so transparent) was the last word in glamour.

In fact, I have many vivid nail polish related memories, including using Mum's varnishes to repaint my Barbie dolls (1992), finally finding a bottle of Revlon "Street Wear" polish in a barg

ain bin and feeling like the coolest person on earth (1997), and the blue glitter polish my family worried would be "too challenging" for some conservative relatives (1999).

Everything changed in 2010 when I met my great friend and nail collaborator Erin, who introduced me to a whole new world (I still remember the first polish we used, Butter London in "Henley Regatta"), as well as a niche new boast (turns out I have great nail beds; who knew?).

Nail art has gone from strength to strength over the past five years, in the general consciousness at least (since artists like Ortiz have been making mini masterpieces of nails for decades), but no matter how many Instagram manicures turn up on your 'suggested posts' page, people seem alarmed and even repulsed by long – really long – nails.

The great tragedy in these "ew, gross" reactions is that people are blind to the incredible sense of community that someone like Ortiz has fostered with her "long nail goddesses", not to mention the pure sense of self-actualisation and self-expression these people with long, painted nails enjoy.

I Wore Insanely Long Nails Like Kylie Jenner for a Week

Love them or hate them, but anything remotely dealing with the Kardashians tends to saturate the media, and instead of making small talk with a stranger over what exactly Scott Disick is up to these days will trump conversation topics like how weird the weather has been lately.



I'm completely guilty of keeping up with them in most aspects—most meaning, I couldn't exactly justify spending $2.99 on their repsective apps. Out of the entire Kardashian-Jenner crew, I'm partial to Kim because I'm super into the way she does her makeup, and Khloe, of course, is the one you want to party with.

I'll admit that I'm pretty fascinated by Kylie. Her beauty transformation has been pretty dramatic, causing such a stir that she's launching her own lip kit as a result. I'm pretty sure her wig room alone is bigger than my entire apartment, and those nails? Don't even get me started; those are mesmerizing enough to warrant an entire story of their own.

So I thought, why not? I'll wear super-long Kylie Jenner nails for a week, try to navigate such intricacies like showering and applying skin care, and hopefully live to tell the tale. Besides, if it brings me that much closer to Kanye, I'm down. With that, I booked an appointment at New York City's Yukie Beauty Spa and asked for a set of insanely long gel extensions. I thought the pearl nail polish made a nice touch.


As a side note, my wireless router in my apartment broke earlier that week, so immediately after getting my nails done, I had to pick up a new one from Best Buy and install it at home. Small wires are the absolute worst to untangle and plug in when you're sort of re-learning how to use your fingers without cracking your manicure, and the entire process took about 30 minutes longer than the standard two, but it eventually got done.